Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Why I am a Christian

It's been one of those days, and it's only 10:30am. I always think that I'm the only one on those days, everyone else has it together, but not me. I don't have it together. Anyway, there's been a number of people over the years who have famously written about why they are or why they are not a Christian. I've had it in my heart for a while now to get in on that. So here goes...

When I was growing up I got the message that if I got it right, I was good, and if I got it wrong, I was bad. Everything seemed to be about performance in one way or another. Home was like that, school was like that, church was like that, and I could never seem to get it right. I was that kid that people were always telling to hurry up. Hurry up! What are you waiting for, Christmas! And as time passed and things happened, I found myself on my own a lot, emotionally though not physically abandoned. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, that's not why I do this, but it became about staying out of the way, and trying to avoid conflict at all cost. I learned how to disappear. I became hyper-vigilant, always trying to think ahead, what I was supposed to do, say, to avoid being yelled at, to avoid being told again and again what I had always heard, "you're no good, you ruined my life!" I tried to avoid hearing, which is why I clicked out so much of the time, which is why they were always telling me to pay attention. Pay attention! I didn't want to hear what I was trying so hard not to believe.

But you know the funny thing, is that I hear people say stuff like, oh this religion thing, it's all indoctrination. People just tell this stuff to kids all their lives so they begin to believe it. I don't think so. I seem to be blessed (for whatever reason) with an ability to remember pretty far back and my memory tells me that that intuition, that there is something more in all this, was always there. And I believe that studies confirm that as well, and that has been my experience with my own and others' children, that a spiritual intuition, if you will, is something that's innate. What I have heard scientists say is that they've found (and I'm paraphrasing) that this is something that doesn't take a lot of convincing with children.Yip, I'll second that.

Because I remember being a very young kid, and my family was somewhere between nominal and cultural Catholic, and I didn't get much "God talk" at home if at all. We went to church or we didn't go to church depending on the mood, but I remember being very very young, and sensing a presence (that nobody told me about) surrounding me. It was always there. It never left. And I remember sensing at one point that there was a circle drawn around me, that no matter what happened, nothing could penetrate that line. And I remember saying to my mother at around 3 years of age, "God named me."  She looked confused and said, no, "we named you," but I always had this sense. And then there were the things I can't explain.

Now some people would scoff at all that and say bah, everyone says that, and they would cite examples from other religions and cultures, etc., and maybe that's the point, they would. If miracles are a dime a dozen, maybe we should start documenting them. I only have it from one source, but I remember Gary Habermas saying that we think of other ancient sources (that the secular world would have more respect for), as not having examples of the supernatural, but yet "they do."  That this is everywhere, and that it happens, quite simply. What I'm saying is, is that in much the same way that near death experiences have gained more of an acceptability through documentation and study, perhaps we should begin to document people's experiences of the supernatural, before we dismiss all such claims outright.

I remember one night I was out for dinner with some friends, both secular and Christian. One of my secular friends starting going on about the virtues of secularism and how we shouldn't believe in such (supernatural) things on principle, basically. One of my Christian friends started to talk and then gave up. He told me later though, as someone who had training in psychology and counselling, that in terms of human experience, in terms of the whole person, and the emotional and spiritual health of the individual, God does exist. And that's the part that I see so neglected in secular discourse. What about the spirituality of the whole person, the emotional and spiritual health and experiences of the individual?

So, what about that little girl, abused, neglected, and the only person I felt was there for me, so often in my early life, was the thing that I can't prove. Does my experience count? Does the experience and intuition of billions of people count? Now you might say that atheists and secularists are entitled to their experience too, and yes they are, but they are in the minority. Globally, atheists are a very slim minority, while they continue to talk about abstract concepts themselves, often incessantly. The other thing that could be argued is that there are different religions and belief systems that contradict my own. Yes, there are, but on a very basic human level, that spiritual intuition appears to be present, definitively as something, if not "the thing" that separates us from the animals.

So, all that is a lot more long-winded than I intended to be. What I had intended to do, much more simply was to speak from my own experience. I respect other people's right to their experience too. I've become a lot more relaxed as an evangelical Christian over the years. At the end of the day, where people are at is between themselves and God, or nobody if I'm wrong. It is possible I could be wrong. I'm a human being and human beings are sometimes wrong. But my experience as a human being tells me that there is something more in this, and I see no reason why it isn't quite possible that in the presence of an awesome creation, that there could be a mind behind it. There's nothing irrational about that. It has a lot of explanatory power.

But why would I choose Christianity, over other options that I'm aware of? Well, because despite my early life that told me that I would never amount to anything, there was a presence there that told me different, a presence who knew me by name. How would I explain that it seems to me that Judeo-Christian theology places the most emphasis on the value of the human person as an individual, having an eternal worth and dignity, that it's about relationship? That God would call us by name, that God would give us a new name, that God would call us His friends, how amazing! Maybe I'll get into that more in another blog, but despite the legalism and fundamentalism of my Protestantism and the dogmatism and ritualism of my Catholicism, when I was in my early 20's I began to work with the mentally disabled. Someone pointed me to the Beatitudes, "blessed are the poor in spirit." I'd never heard that preached on before, nobody had ever mentioned grace, but in the brokenness of the mentally disabled, people that society had cast aside I saw myself. And for the first time in my life I saw the Gospel lived out, when I experienced unconditional acceptance, in the love of a community of people who saw me for who I was as a person.

But then I have mornings like today, when I forget, when I lose perspective, where I try to avoid asking myself, am I a crappy parent? Where I make mistakes, when I'm frustrated. And as much as I try to get it together, and I never do, it's days like today that remind me of why I'm a Christian, because I know that I can't do it on my own, and then I remember that Christianity alone offers salvation outright. Rather than saying, do this or don't do that (only to hope) to one day get it or make it, which is what I'd heard all my life. It's in humility that I can accept that gift, because I know that I need grace. I need forgiveness. I live in a suburb, I drive a minivan that I just heard, "may or may not pass it's next e-test." I have 5 kids which is 3 more than I'm supposed to have, apparently. I throw poopy diapers in the garbage when my kids are sick and I can't seem to remember to bring a bleeping bag to the big box store while I'm saving the world. I need forgiveness, as much as I was one of the first kids in my high school to sign up for a "green" club and attend regularly and sit down and take notes. I seem to have a very hard time living up to my youthful ideals while I'm taking out twice as much consumer garbage and watching twice as much dirty water go down the drain as my neighbours. I need grace, because I can't do it, and I'm not saying this as an excuse to do nothing, because I do care and I do try to make a difference, but that's why I have so much gratitude for a gracious God who reached out to me when I was alone, and loved me, just as I am, while the world and every glossy magazine cover constantly tells me that I will never be enough.


Thanks for listening,

M.A. Harvey



Lecture: Gary Habermas

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5znVUFHqO4Q

Thursday, November 7, 2013

You needed me

I have a sarcastic sense of humour sometimes, so you may find yourself either laughing or rolling your eyes at this one, depending on whether you share my twisted sense of humour. I don't have strong opinions on most things, at least I don't think I do, but in some ways I'm probably conservative-leaning. Okay, I've said it. I value hard work and I don't like waste, especially of someone's hard earned money, especially if that someone is me. So, I'm probably someone, who if I lived in Toronto, might be one of Rob Ford's supporters. I live in a suburb, I have kids, I drive a Dodge minivan, and like most Canadian families, we're getting by but we don't take money for granted. So, when a politician comes along that seems to share the same values, what can I say, I might just vote for him or her. I might appreciate their concern for the little guy.

So, without having followed Rob Ford all that closely, I've been leaning toward the view for some time that much of what has been written about him is overblown, that some people just don't care for him and want him out of there. Mind you, if it turns out that there are more serious allegations to come, I would think that he would lose much of his support. I would expect that involvement in organized crime would be a game-changer for most people, though to date the only evidence is a recorded one-time use of crack cocaine (or ties to questionable company). Not that even a one-time use of crack cocaine is laudable, of course. 

But you know, for me the interesting thing with the Rob Ford crack scandal, is to hear people whom I would assume are left-leaning, express their moral outrage with candid vigour. I was on my way to work the other evening and I heard the tail end of a CBC program and one of the commenters said something to the effect that if this is what conservatism has been reduced to, balanced books, then there's something wrong. I kid you not, she said that on national radio. I'm paraphrasing, but in essence what she said appeared to be demanding that conservatives become more socially engaged. It warmed my heart it did, and I was encouraged. As a social conservative who has often known discouragement, who has sometimes thought: "I've compromised all I can without selling my soul outright." It gave me hope, when I was at the end. It turned my lies into truth again, in short, it was just what I needed to hear, someone seeing a value in my social conservatism. But of course I can't say it better than Anne Murray can sing it, especially the part about being almost able to see eternity. Oh, you'll have to listen to the song, but thank you, someone on the CBC, and thank you CBC for being there, our hard earned tax dollars at work, standing up for and uniting Canadians from left to right. I can't thank you enough (sniff).

But honestly, I am so accustomed at this point to feeling like the world has no use for me. I'm one of those dang social conservative evangelical Christians that everyone wishes would just go away. I read something very similar to that recently about pro-lifers." Can't these people just go away!"  Is that what they really want? For every voice that says that there is something unquantifiable about human life, to just go away?  Is that what they want?

It reminded me of a lecture I listened to a while back where the professor was commenting (again I'm paraphrasing) that the left doesn't really want the right to just go away. They want the right to say all the things that they're too afraid to say themselves. He went on to tell the story of an acquaintance who would occasionally respond at a dinner party, when someone would make a comment about those sexually repressed conservatives, that we should indeed indulge every facet of potential sexual possibilities, encourage every repressed urge, in thought and deed. Why not? Why not, because nobody really wants their daughter getting pregnant at 15 or swinging half-naked on a pole for any stranger off the street to use, do they? Nobody really wants that, and as much as I hear the left defending drug abuse as a health issue, something that should not be a criminal offense, nobody really wants a crack smoking mayor as a consequence, do they?  It's refreshing to realize that we're all in this together, liberals and conservatives. None of us want our kids tripping over needles at the park, no one wants to lose the cherished value of human life or human liberty or human dignity, and that's something that's good to remember. As for us social conservatives, trudging along, used to being kicked around and misrepresented, used to being unappreciated, for once it's just nice to be needed. Thanks again, it made a difference.


Blessings to you and yours,

M.A. Harvey


Here's Anne Murray:




Friday, November 1, 2013

Wasteland

This would be the first poem that I've written in a very long time. Maybe it'll become a song in time, but for now I'm satisfied with the words as they appear here. I wrote this around the time that civilians were being killed in Egypt and Syria. I was so disturbed by the images of "sleeping children" and stories of civilians being killed of all backgrounds, yet also disturbed by a culture here at home where I don't feel I have the freedom to ask honest questions anymore. Thoughts of the persecuted church also loomed in my mind and thoughts of "how good we have it" in the west as Christians, and yet the reality of an increasingly polarized society here as well and an apparent inability to dialogue, even as there remains an assumption of equality. I stayed up a bit too late while at work and being a mess of emotions I tried to go to sleep and waking again in that half-awake, half-asleep state I dreamed I saw a wasteland and got up and wrote this down, largely as it is here.


Wasteland

Why do I do this to myself? 
I should have gone to bed
not stayed up to watch the headlines
glaring from the dead

Someone's no tomorrow
yet everything I see reminds me
they won't talk to me
insistent tunnel needs

betray your faith for unforgiveness 
anti gun anti something anti gay anti conscience I screamed!
noone knows the troubles I see that don't compare to burning churches burning crosses burning
bullet in her 10 year old chest

don't compare to burning bodies burning bridges burning crosses burning 
sacrifice for our beloved Egypt 
established 50 A.D.
since 50 A.D

Don't compare to your good fortune not so bad it's not so bad just go to sleep
don't retaliate don't think-
it's not so bad it's not so bad it's not so -why do I see a wasteland
between waking and sleep?
Why do I see a wasteland 
with aching blackness beneath?

Empty visions empty prophets empty promise when you disagree
put the poison in the bottle and take it to your sleep and dream of wastelands
wastelands, violence beneath
dream of wastelands wastelands silence at your feet
and dream of wastelands wastelands
falling beneath
wastelands

with new visions of equality
be still the empty voice of
suicide correctness
don't you tell us how it really is
while hurtle stones falling falling beneath 

not so bad it's not so bad 
just go to sleep
it's not so bad it's not so bad
while I'm falling asleep

why do I dream of wastelands wastelands 
with blackness beneath
why do I dream of wastelands wastelands 
between waking and sleep?
Why do I see a wasteland
with silence beneath 
wastelands


thanks for listening,

M.A. Harvey


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